How quickly things can go from touching to terrible.

A demurely dressed-in-black Madonna surprised everyone by opening the MTV Video Music Awards on a somber note, talking about the comparisons between herself and Michael Jackson.

In a rather touching five-minute speech – did she write that stuff herself, because it was actually quite good? – the Queen of Pop noted Jackson’s uniqueness and originality. (Side note: Was Pink just looking down during Madonna’s tribute or, um, texting? Oh, and Pink, you and Shakira need to talk to your stylists, since you both showed up in the same dress).

“Sometimes we have to lose things before we can appreciate them,” Madonna said in closing.

Then a cadre of tight dancers bounced onstage to mimic Michael’s dance moves while videos for “Thriller,” “Bad” and “Smooth Criminal” played behind them.

But as soon as the screen changed to the metallic imagery of the “Scream” video, you knew Janet Jackson would be arriving for her much-touted tribute to her brother.

Yeah, it was cool to watch her dance alongside her brother’s image on the screen behind her and so what if she was lip-synching – when does she not? – but more importantly, people…how is this woman able to gain and lose 60 pounds in two months and I can’t even lose five pounds going to the gym four days a week?

Really. It’s quite impressive.
Anyway…let’s forget about the amusing Russell Brand and Lady “Understudy In Phantom of the Opera” Gaga for a minute to discuss Kanye West.

Sweet Taylor Swift bests an impressive group of nominees – including Lady G., Pink and Beyonce – to win Best Female Video, the waif is trembling her way through a genuine speech about always dreaming of winning a VMA…and then comes Kanye, storming the stage to pronounce that, basically, Beyonce should have won.

Swift is dumbfounded, Beyonce is mortified and the rest of us received more confirmation of an indisputable fact.

West is a moron.

Photo: MTV