I watched the finale of “The Bachelor” last night. Yes, I admit it. Mock, if you will. 

What can I say, I’m a romantic at heart. As little chance as true love has in this artificial world where bachelor-meets-25-lovely-ladies-whittles-them-down-to-one-and-lives-happily-(ha!)-forever-after, hope springs eternal for me. But c’mon, Matt, what were you thinking? 

In this edition of the ABC show, global financier Matt Grant of London, 27, comes to America to find himself a bride. After weeks of painful and so-not-dramatic rose ceremonies, he pops the question on bended knee.  And wouldn’t ya know it, 22-year-old Shayne Lamas of Malibu, Calif.—whose initial appearance even forces Matt’s big bro, Simon, to comment on her ever-so-bleached-blondness—ends up with the hunka-hunka diamond engagement ring.

Shayne, according to Shayne, is an actress. She is not there, she says, to enhance her career, despite papa Lorenzo Lamas’ comment to the contrary: “I think it was the idea of being on television that was very enticing to her.”

What acting career, you say? Yeah, I was curious, too, never having heard of her. Here’s what I found, courtesy of http://www.imdb.com: Shayne has appeared in two episodes of “Air America,” 18 episodes of “General Hospital” and three films I’m pretty sure you never heard of: “Endless Bummer” (in which she plays the no-doubt pivotal role of Red Bikini Girl), which apparently has been released but who knows where; “The 13th Alley,” somewhere between completion and release; and “Deep in the Valley,” in post-production. 

You know the latter is Oscar-bound. It also stars one of the interchangeable Kardashian brood and, just to sweeten the pot, Tracy Morgan.

Matt, Matt, Matt. I’d like to think this is going somewhere – despite the best attempts of reality TV, I’m still that romantic at heart – but c’mon, let’s not kid ourselves. Your chances of marrying Shayne might not be quite as bad as 300-to-1, as one handicapper is predicting. But I’m guessing they’re slim. 

So enjoy your little American tartlet while you can – sorry, make that little American “monkey.” (Yes, he DID propose this way: “Monkey, will you marry me?” Which might be the biggest reason of all that the relationship is most likely doomeddoomeddoomed.)

A new season of “The Bachelorette” premieres next week. Having just come off “The Bachelor,” I might have to skip it. Sometimes you just have to say no.

P.S. A reader asks what I mean by “hunka-hunka diamond engagement ring. I responded, but the e-mail was returned as undeliverable. So if you happen ever to see this again, Modna17, I just meant a big ring, a really nice ring. It’s a possibly obscure reference to lyrics from the Elvis song: “hunka hunka burnin’ love.” I think the song is titled “Burning Love.” Or maybe “Burnin’ Love.” Thanks for writing!

Posted by Cynthia McMullen in • Entertainment • Movies • Television • Lifestyle
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