Oh, Paula. And to think, you were so present, so lucid, so…sensible almost, this season.
“This is officially the strangest show we’ve ever done,” said the ever-observant Simon Cowell at the end of last night’s “Idol.
And man, he wasn’t kidding.
As soon as Ryan Seacrest announced that this week’s judging would be done differently – with the threesome presenting their critiques at the end of the first round of Neil Diamond songs – I instantly hated the idea and also subconsciously knew that somehow, this would not end well.
So what was Paula talking about when she rambled on to Jason Castro about his first song and then continued to talk…about his second song? Which he hadn’t performed yet.
Was she reading the notes she had ostensibly jotted down about David Cook, who was next to Jason in the evaluation line, or were those notes really about Jason taken during…dress rehearsal, perhaps?
I swear I’ve read that the judges often attend dress rehearsal and would also swear that Simon has commented to a contestant that he/she sounded better during that rehearsal. But others – who usually know about this sort of thing – promise me that no such practice exists and there are stand-ins at the judges table during rehearsal.
So…you decide. I’m going with Paula taking notes at dress rehearsal. I mean, c’mon, she thought Jason had already sung his second song? Even JASON isn’t that ditzy.
I’ve also decided this week that if “Idol” can modify its judging policy for the night, I can change the style of my recap.
So, in tribute to the time and depth given by Randy, Paula and Simon last night, here’s what we learned during Neil Diamond week – other than it’s really tough to sing Neil Diamond songs if you aren’t Neil Diamond.
Jason Castro
First song: “Forever in Blue Jeans”
Pleasant and dull. No matter what he sings and how intense he appears while singing it, there is just nothing captivating about this guy.
Grade: C-
Second song: “September Morn”
Is there some rule that a contestant must stay glued to his seat until that big Moment in the chorus? Move, dude. Interact with the crowd. Do something to distract from that fact that you can’t hit any lofty, passionate notes.
Grade: C
David Cook
First song: “I’m Alive”
The resident rocker – or “Creed,” as my husband calls him – gave Neil goose bumps, but turned a bit too guttural on this one (chosen in honor, maybe, for his ailing brother?). Still, he’s the most appealing of this bunch, if only for his novel song choices.
Grade: B-
Second song: “All I Really Need is You”
David C. is the only one who could somewhat match Neil’s huge rasp of a voice, but as robust as he was, on second listen, he swung out of key a couple of times.
Grade: B-
Brooke White
First song: “I’m a Believer”
Though Simon called it karaoke, it reminded me of when Sheryl Crow breaks into an unexpected cover in concert. I didn’t hate it, but someone needs to curb Brooke’s giddiness.
Grade: B-
Second song: “I Am, I Said”
Not only did she remember all of the words (even changing New York to Arizona!), but this soft piano version was pretty and emotionally riveting.
Grade: B+
David Archuletta
First song: “Sweet Caroline”
I’m sorry, but I don’t want to hear about “hands…touching me, touching you” from a squishy 17 year old.
Grade: C+
Second song: “America”
You knew someone had to do it – and with Kristy Lee Cook, the queen of pandering gone, who else but the Muppet would approach it? I think David A. hit puberty on a couple of those notes, but, true to form, the judges ignored his many gaffes and shortcomings while shuffling him along to the final two.
Grade: C
Syesha Mercado
First song: “Hello Again”
In her bare feet, hair cascading loosely, Syesha turned out an elegant, lovely read of the heartfelt ballad, somehow reminding me of Regina Belle crooning “A Whole New World.”
Grade: B+
Second song: “Thank the Lord for the Night Time”
Where did this personality suddenly emerge from the past two weeks? I have no idea why Simon suggested the death knell is sounding for Syehsa, except that she doesn’t have a gazillion tweenagers voting for her, like Jason and Little David. She’s still technically the best singer in the group, and now that she’s demonstrated an ability to be, well, mobile, she’s riding a hot streak.
Grade: B
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