Ramiele Malubay prompted the funniest comment from Dolly (well, second-funniest – that crack about her false eyelashes was a keeper) who said about the pint-sized South Floridian, “The fact that she’s little ain’t gonna stop her from doing big things.” Maybe not. But her “Do I Ever Cross Your Mind” proved that while the big little girl can harmonize well, solo, she’s all over the scale. To quote Simon, we’re not going to remember this in 10 years, are we? I’m not sure I remember it now, two hours later.

Speaking of Simon, Mr. Crankypants was in prime bristly form, sniping and scowling at nearly every performance. We all know that he doesn’t like country music unless it’s performed by Carrie Underwood or Kellie Pickler in hot pants, but last night he was particularly impossible to please.

He told Jason Castro – who appeared more alert than usual – that he didn’t like the way he sang “Travelin’ Through,” nor this style of music for him. But, while Simon is right that there is something very street musician-y about Jason, his irritation produced one of the funniest outbursts ever heard on the show: “This is where I lose my season’s pass to Dollywood.”

Oh Simon, how I adore thee.

Anyway, back on stage, Carly Smithson yet again demonstrated why she is the best singer in this show. “Idol” has always been a popularity contest, which is why she won’t win – her edgy style and older appeal aren’t going to prod the text-messaging brigade into action. Too bad, because her sparse treatment of Dolly’s perky “Here You Come Again” was lovely. She’s also one of the rare contestants who seems to connect to the words she’s singing (yes, Syesha, that’s directed at you). And who didn’t love watching Carly visibly restrain herself from leaping off-stage to throttle Simon when he insulted her outfit? Gotta love her spunk.

So then there’s David Archuletta. Look, I just don’t like the kid. Yes, he has a strong voice that is much richer than his age suggests and yes, his rendition of “Smoky Mountain Memories” was perfectly suited for that voice. But I can’t stomach his faux modesty when being complimented. He’s like Melinda Doolittle with three-fourths the talent. And you probably didn’t notice, but he did hit a bum note. Yet, in what is becoming his secret, David had a big, booming finale, which is all the teenyboppers will remember.

Speaking of contestants I’m rapidly tiring of, Kristy Lee “I Dodged Another Bullet” Cook didn’t do much to dispel the fact that she’s the weakest singer of the remaining crop. But she played up the idea that she’s the only country-leaning singer on the show by ditching her shoes and laying the twang on “Coat of Many Colors.” But even barefoot, she can’t settle in the proper key. We’re probably stuck with her another week, but if America truly votes for the best performances, this wasn’t one of them.

Now Syesha Mercado deserves extra credit for attempting “I Will Always Love You.” And I’m shocked at the number of people who have already told me they had no idea that Dolly Parton wrote the song that became the sixth biggest single in chart history after Whitney Houston recorded it for “The Bodyguard” soundtrack in 1993. What, doesn’t anyone else watch “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” or study music trivia? No? Really? OK, fine.

But as convincingly as Syesha handled the first chunk of the powerhouse ballad, I still scoffed when she said in her pre-taped video package how she “had an emotional connection with the song.” Honey, you’re 21. Give it a few years.

And finally, injecting some testosterone into the evening was Michael Johns, who brought something previously unseen to the “Idol” stage with his “It’s All Wrong, But It’s All Right”:
sexiness. It wasn’t as potent as last week’s “We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions,” but Randy raved that it was “blazing hot,” Simon didn’t scrimp on the compliments, either, and Paula, thankfully, didn’t coo over Michael’s hair.