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First, my degenerate boyfriend Artie Lange got into some crazy argument with his assistant during yesterday’s “Howard Stern Show” and supposedly resigned.

The gang was already slated to be off next week for one of the 83 annual vacations built into their Sirius contract, so I’m hopeful that a week of not having to wake up at 4:30 a.m. for a daily radio show will change Artie’s mind and the big lug will be back on April 21, sheepish and apologetic for his meltdown.

I love Howard – who remained remarkably controlled throughout the fracas, sort of like a patient dad—but the show just isn’t as sharp and funny when Artie isn’t around.

Then, my evening mirrored the sadness of my morning when my “American Idol” boyfriend, Michael Johns, undeservedly – and, judging from his and everyone else’s reaction, unexpectedly – got bumped off the show.

Look, if the voting reflected the worst of Tuesday night’s performances, Michael didn’t even belong in the bottom three. Carly – much as I adore her—Syesha and David Cook did. And if the voting reflected the weakest candidate, how can anyone argue that Michael’s quiet magnetism wasn’t more appealing than Syesha’s diva-bot performances?

I don’t know. Frankly, whenever a still-strong player gets booted too soon, I always lose a little faith in the show. Not to mention, my interest starts to wane. Now what do I have to look forward to next week? David Archuletta singing “Hero” during Mariah Carey night? And there goes my gag reflex again.

In last week’s column, I asked those of you who regularly attend concerts what the most is that you would spend to see your favorite artist.

The impetus for my query was the upcoming George Michael tour, which, in most markets, has a top ticket price of $250. Seems a little high, no?

Most of you thought so, but I also heard from some die-hard G.M. fans—even from Australia—with perfectly legitimate reasons (to them) for spending $500 on a pair of concert tickets.

Here’s what you had to say:

Ah, the price of a concert ticket. Not to show my age but…my first concert was Molly Hatchet. XL102 was sponsor and tickets cost $10.21; they played at the Landmark (Mosque). Since then I have seen many bands, acts, and events, some remembered better than others. I don’t believe I have yet to pay in excess of $100.00 for a ticket; by the time they add those fees on, Ticketmaster, facility use, and all the other junk fees that you cannot escape from (even by going to the Coliseum ticket window) only God knows what I have ended up paying.

I plan on seeing the B-52s at the end of the month at the National and there is a $6.00 “convenience fee” that is unavoidable. Just add it and tell me tickets are $43.50 instead of $37.50 plus ??? fees!! Only at two shows last year (Emmylou Harris at Browns Island and Buddy Guy at Toads Place—tickets purchased at a box office. No fees yeah!) have I escaped from fees and paid the true ticket price. How much would I pay? Paul McCartney is my last must-see and I might just break the bank for him.

—Kent Kannegieter

Concert ticket prices have gotten way out of hand.  Artists who don’t make any money on their CD sales, seem to be trying to reap the rewards through their live shows.  Ticketmaster fees are nearly as bad totalling over $12.00 per ticket.  This is unacceptable.

Guess which one I paid for.

—Robert Gunkel

$100 per ticket is my limit.  I’m going to see Bruce Springsteen in C’ville this month and I’ve seen him at least once and often more times on each tour since Born In the USA.  But as I much as I love Bruce, he has almost hit my personal $100 list price limit for tickets (actually went a little over with the ticket charges). U2 went over on their last tour, and as much as I love them, I passed on buying tickets.

I actually wrote a lengthy blog about my idea for full venue ticket auctioning (which seems to already be bubbling up a bit) in December.  If you want to check it out, it’s at: http://handfulofbrains.blogspot.com/2007/12/future-of-concert-tickets.html.  I enjoy reading your columns.  Keep up the great work!

—Tony Jordan

So we keep hearing that our own—we can call him that because he’s from Virginia—anyway, that our own Chris Brown is dating the lovely Rihanna. It’s all over the tabloids (such as In Touch last week) and even the more “serious” entertainment magazines, such as People.

Any truth to it? Only time will tell because Chris’ lips are sealed.

We also heard ... and this was a while back ... that Jessica Rae Springsteen had applied for admission to University of Richmond. No need to say whose kid she is, right?

As one wag (a loyal UR alum) said, “And this means that UR will have to officially join the New Jersey state college system.“

Nothing’s been confirmed, but an anonymous N.J. source implied that if a Springsteen had applied to UR, it would have been Jessica’s one-year-older brother, Evan. 

Again, only time will tell. But if The Boss shows up for Parents’ Day, he’d better come in disguise or he’s playing the next dance for sure.

And speaking of gossip ... here are some interesting results from a new AOL Television survey of more than 1.35 million users. Who knew?!

* Ellen DeGeneres, sez the survey, is more popular than Oprah. Ellen wins as overall best talk-show host and the host most people would like to have attend their dinner party.

  * Kelly Ripa beat out Tyra Banks and Matt Lauer for sexiest talk show host, snappiest dresser and best hair.        Although that’s not completely fair because Tyra often leans on faux locks and Matt doesn’t have any.
  * Larry King was voted most unsexy host. What, people don’t love those retro glasses and red suspenders? Or perhaps braces, in his case? Whatever.
  * I hate even typing this in ... but Jay Leno edged out David Letterman, 41 percent to 34 percent. Say it ain’t so! Because I love me some Dave.
* On “The View”—as if you could distinguish one from another when they get to jabbering—those surveyed said if the ladies had a smackdown, Whoopi would come out on top, followed by Joy Behar, Barbara Walters, Elizabeth Hasselback and Sherri Sheppard.
* Given the choice, they would elect Diane Sawyer as U.S. president over Oprah, Jon Stewart and Martha Stewart. I dunno, I guess Diane would make a good-looking president, but she dances around the tough questions too much for me ... .

When David Cook turns in the worst performance of the night and Kristy Lee Cook is actually impressive, you know it’s not a typical “Idol.”

With “inspirational songs” as the topic for the week, I feared we were in for a night of horribly limp gospel songs – or at least one version of Carrie Underwood’s “Jesus Take the Wheel.”

But, it turned out that “inspirational” in Idol Land literally meant songs that inspired the contestants. You know, like the work of that legendary ‘90s alt-rock band, Our Lady Peace.

David, David, David. Not only did you choose what I’ve now declared one of the worst rock songs ever, but did you have to make your surprisingly off-key performance cheesy as well, with that I-Am-Rock-Star-Hear-Me-Roar stroll through the crowd and the pensive stare into the camera while holding your palm to the lens? Yes, as Simon noted, your message to “Give Back” dovetails nicely with the spirit of tonight’s “Idol Gives Back” show. But it all seemed unusually contrived for the coolest guy on the show.

I wasn’t as lukewarm as the judges on the performance from “Idol”’s second-strongest dude, Michael Johns, who bravely tackled “Dream On,” an Aerosmith song that not even Steven Tyler can sing anymore. (For a really kick-butt version, check out Train – yes, Train – covering it live in concert http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YH01e-O2lOc&feature=related).

I thought Michael sounded potent and raspy (in a good way) throughout, and as the verses crept toward that inevitable climax, my husband cringed and said to the TV screen, “You actually gonna try to hit that note, buddy?” And at that exact moment, Michael did. It was messy, but so is rock ‘n’ roll.

Now, we’re all used to Simon’s forthrightness, but was anyone else surprised to hear Randy get all, “This isn’t about dreams, dawg, it’s about picking the right song” on Michael? Did the manly Australian really deserve such a scolding?

Randy’s grouchiness carried into Syesha’s performance of Fantasia’s showstopper, “I Believe,” but this time I agreed with him. She’s a technically proficient singer who has now proven she can run with the big-voiced divas, but she never seems to connect with a song -  and more importantly, with an audience.

Last night she was hardly the worst (ahem, David C. and Carly), but I wouldn’t be shocked to see her sent back to Sarasota, Fla., tomorrow night. At this point in the competition, personality counts – and she really doesn’t have one.

Neither does the space-faced Jason Castro, but his insistence to be different is commendable. I’m told that the ukulele version of “Over the Rainbow” he performed has been heard countless times in countless TV shows. Me? Never heard it in my life – and I watch a lot of TV and listen to a lot of music.

But a quick Google search taught me that it’s the work of Hawaiian singer “Bruddah Iz” (not Brother Is, as I thought Jason said in the video clip). Hey, even if you don’t dig Jason’s sweet, smooth voice, you’ve gotta give the guy credit for breaking out the Tiny Tim moves on national TV.

Why is Bret Michaels such an idiot?

Look, I will always maintain some affection for one of my ‘80s hair band crushes. But since I got sucked into his second season quest to “find true love” on VH1’s “Rock of Love 2,” it’s only fair to express my outrage now that he’s down to the final two potential love mates.

On one hand, there’s Daisy. She still lives with her ex-boyfriend and once dated Bret’s bandmate, C.C. DeVille – revelations that the seemingly permanently bandanna-clad rocker just learned.

She also has one of those inflatable chests that is so distracting, even SHE has to adjust her plastic volleyballs to keep from tripping over them. And then when she cries – and oy, does she cry – her mammoth frog lips take over her scrunched up face and everything just melts into an unholy, frightful blob.

Then there’s bachelorette number two, Ambre, who has been my favorite all season. I swear.

Ambre’s biggest transgressions are not being able to spell her name properly and lying to Bret about her age (she told him she’s 32, but on Sunday, her daddy sold her out with the truth that she’s 37. Oops. But hey, Bret’s 45, so why should he care?)

So there’s the train wreck that is Daisy and the mostly normal Ambre.

Guess who Mr. Nothin’ But a Good Time seems to be leaning toward choosing? Yep. Never underestimate a guy’s attraction to cleavage, I guess.

We’ll find out at 9 p.m. Sunday which lucky lady gets to board Bret’s tour bus this summer and travel to places such as Pikeville, Ky., Kelseyville, Calif., and oh, hey, Richmond, Va.
Info coming this week on that concert.

During a recent teleconference with reporters, Alicia Keys’ cell phone started ringing in the background. It wasn’t a hip song, but the generic default ring.

Keys laughed when one reporter questioned her about it, sort of insinuating that a singer of her status should have at least assigned a minion to change it to some Rihanna or Mariah Carey chorus.

“I hate that ringtone,” Keys said, still laughing. “It’s like a standard one and for some reason I keep going in and trying to change it and that’s the only option. It’s so bad. So I guess, apparently, I have to connect it to my computer and then download 100 ringtones.”

That led to a viable question about whether listeners’ attention spans have short-circuited to the point that pop songs might someday soon turn into one verse and one chorus – more a jingle than an actual song.

“Oh gosh, I hope not,” Keys responded. “ I was hoping you were going to say, do I foresee the day when it might go back to like five, six or seven minute songs …I mean, I do think that those things are cool with little ringtones and little things in that nature. But in regard to something that moves you and something that you say, ‘Oh my goodness, I’ll remember this for the rest of my life,’ it can’t happen in one chorus or a chorus and a verse.”

You can read Alicia’s opinions and answers to many more questions – including why her “As I Am” tour will launch in Hampton on April 19 and how she feels about working with Harold Lilly, the Richmond songwriter who has co-written many of her hits – in the April 17 Weekend cover story.

In the meantime, fans can check out “Fresh Takes,” the “micro-series” she’s done for Dove. The three-minute episodes began March 25 and will run through April. To check them out, visit http://www.mtv.com/asm/dove.

So I was assigned to help cover the Ukrop’s Monument Avenue 10K today. All would have been peachy, DESPITE the early hours—I’m a night owl—had the rain not gotten heavy right about the time I was balancing a reporter’s notebook, a camera and an umbrella.

Yes, the Times-Dispatch has professional photographers—and good ones, at that—but they can’t be everywhere all the time. Given that they deal with this inclement weather on a regular basis, let me just say “hats off.“ Except it was far too icky outside to doff my hat.

Hats off to the runners and walkers, too. I salute you for making it despite the weather. You guys rock! (Look for tons of coverage in tomorrow’s Times-Dispatch and at http://www.inRich.com.) By the way, I was sorry to miss my friend Helena, whose birthday is today. You might have seen her—she wore a birthday-cake hat as she ran. Gives new meaning to “Someone left the cake out in the rain” (for those of you who know “MacArthur Park”). Ha!

I also dropped by the Festival of Punjab at Cultural Center of India. If you get a chance next year (too late this year!), check it out. Exotic food, dancing that combines traditional with MTV and wonderful, colorful, bejeweled and gemmed garb.

The one funny, sort of out-of-place thing was the pink cotton candy machine in the food area.

I asked what cotton candy had to do with it. Andrew Schwieder, a freshman at Henrico High School who was working the machine, said, well, cotton candy got its start in India ... . Smart aleck! Manpreet Dhillon, a junior at Henrico, took pity on me and explained, “They sell cotton candy at fairs in India, too. AND it makes a lot of money.“

I had hoped to make it to the first Downtown Lofts Tour today, as well. But it wasn’t in the cards, time-wise. Lucy Meade, who does marketing and development for Venture Richmond, said nearly 1,000 tickets were sold to the 14-loft tour. People were totally impressed, she said—of course, that stands to reason because would YOU open your home to tourists if it weren’t perfection?

She said the loft-owners had a great time, too. One of them commented, “I’ve never had this many people in my bedroom!“

I’m going to stop talking about this NOW, but just for the record ... two more George Michael “sightings” since Thursday: 1. I was home yesterday afternoon and turned on the TV so I could read the paper. You know, multi-tasking. “Ellen” happened to be on, and suddenly I realized she was doing a George Michael bit where she had him on the phone. Then today, I turned on Lite 98 on my way to work. Who do you suppose was playing? You guessed it. Aiiiieeeeeeeeee! He truly IS everywhere.

Did you read Melissa’s column, The Beat, in today’s Weekend section?

You know how sometimes you’ll hear a name or a word or a phrase you never heard before—or haven’t heard in a long time—and suddenly it’s EVERYWHERE. Somebody else uses it or you see it on a billboard or your Scrabble partner pops it on the board.

That’s how it is for me and George Michael, whose tour-ticket prices Melissa discusses in her column. Who’s heard of him lately? But suddenly G.M. shows up on “Eli Stone.“ Then he shows up on “Men in Trees” (not literally, mind you, but he’s been mentioned on the show several times). Then he shows up on tour.

I had to chuckle at the $250 ticket price Melissa quoted. On “Eli Stone” the other night, one character referred to him as “pop superstar George Michael.“

“Melissa,“ I said, “I think when it comes to ‘superstar,‘ that ship has sailed.“

“Cynthia,“ she replied, “That ship sailed back in the ‘80s.“

Actually, music-lover that she is, she might have nailed the exact year. But that was earlier this week, and a lot has happened in the interim.

Speaking of music, I see the Eagles took out a full-page ad today. They’re not leaving anything to chance, eh?

And speaking of chance—check the smooth transition here—I was blown away by Richmond Ballet’s performance of “Chance Favors the Prepared Mind” Tuesday night. The ballet premiered six new works by six choreographers.

I enjoyed them all, but what struck me about “Chance” (choreography by Todd Rosenlieb) was that I was watching guys partnering guys (what one of Richmond Ballet’s star performers wryly refers to as “dude on dude”). Here you have not only demonstrations of startling athleticism, but you’re seeing male dancers do things they ordinarily don’t—as in catching one another in mid-air and so forth.

As my dancing friend “Jailbait” points out, it’s not so easy when you’re used to being the guy in the duo and suddenly you’re having to follow, not lead (yeah, I know, ballroom terminology. But you know what I mean). I’m sure it’s NOT easy, but it looked just amazing. Kudos to Rosenlieb and those Richmond Ballet boys.

As I said, it was all good for me, but another quick shout-out to “Morning Overtures” by uber fight-choreographer David Leong, chairman of VCU’s theater department, and Patti D’Beck, recently of Broadway. Having the dancers play families, broadcasters, office workers and so forth—using them to portray everyday folk just trying to get by—was hilarious. And hey, those dancers can act!

The New Works Festival runs at Richmond Ballet’s Studio Theatre through Sunday.

P.S. I got a kick out of the fact that “Chance” was commissioned with support from Car Pool. Who said carwashes aren’t artistically inclined?

Next week is a triple-dose of “American Idol,” but Wednesday’s show isn’t about the top eight contestants.

It’s the second year of “Idol Gives Back,” the pre-taped celeb fest that Fox has promoted more than “Moment of Truth,” if that’s possible. Look for Bono, Brad Pitt, Celine Dion, Annie Lennox, Reese Witherspoon and a ton of other names to contribute to the program in some way.

But, of bigger news for actual “Idol” fans, is that on Thursday’s results show, Chris Brown will perform “No Air” with last year’s “Idol” champ, Jordin Sparks. Tune in at 8 p.m.

As for Tuesday’s performance show, the gang will be singing “inspirational songs.” Oh, great, another chance for Kristy Lee Cook to mask her limited vocals with a sappy Up With People! Song that will thrill the heartland to its core.

When Elliott Yamin addressed the crowd at his mother’s funeral a few hours ago, he summarized her legacy perfectly.
Whenever he’s walking down the street and a stranger approaches, he said, they usually have two questions. The second one is, is Simon really that much of a jerk? But the first is, how is your mother doing?
In an emotional ceremony at Bliley’s-Central, Elliott and his brother Scott spoke to the 150 or so people gathered to remember Claudette’s humor, her warmth and her honesty.
Both sons recounted, with tearful smiles, how much their mother loved the attention she received as a result of Elliott’s rise on “American Idol.“
In fact, we—Melissa and Cynthia—ordinarily wouldn’t have considered recounting what happened at a private funeral. But, as Elliott said, his mother used to read the obituaries first thing every day. So it almost made him chuckle when he opened the paper and saw a tribute to Claudette.
Scott mentioned that he used to get annoyed when his mother would answer cell phone calls from his brother’s fans, but realized today that they weren’t just fans of Elliott’s—they were fans of Claudette, too. He also read aloud several of the condolence postings from http://www.inRich.com as proof of the affection many people had for Claudette—even those who never knew her.
One of Claudette’s cousins expounded on her ability to make everyone feel like part of the family—it was sort of like the Mafia, he said, once you’re in, you can never get out—and reiterated how proud she was of her two sons and their sister, Jodi, who was also in attendance.
There wasn’t a dry eye in the room when Elliott and Scott referred to their mother as their best friend and credited her for the men that they have become. Elliott said his mother’s love for music—she used to be a singer herself—had fostered the same love in him.
Only family, extended family and invited friends attended the private burial service, including Elliott’s “American Idol” competitor and friend Ace Young. Ace, who said he lives 2 miles from Elliott in Los Angeles, flew in from Atlanta for the funeral.
The thing about his mom, said Elliott, is this: Even if he hadn’t achieved the success he has, the outpouring of support would have been just the same. It was his mother—his honest, wisecracking, loving mother—who inspired and deserved such tender tribute.

—Melissa Ruggieri and Cynthia McMullen