Britney. Must. Be. Stopped.
Cynthia McMullen
May 14, 2008 6:16 PM
So Britney ran into another innocent driver—again—yesterday. Her Mercedes Benz coupe rear-ended a Ford 
Explorer in Beverly Hills. My guess—since she didn’t have a child in her lap—is that she was reaching for her 27th Starbucks of the day and just did not notice that pesky 2 tons’ worth of metal in front of her.
Or ... and here’s a theory worth investigating ... did she hit Drew Barrymore? I would’ve jumped on that one—made sense to me—except Drew was hit from behind on Monday. Of course, it still could’ve been Ms. Spears. That one gets around.
Seriously, somebody needs to take her driver’s license and grind it into tiny pieces, impound her car and put a lock on her front door till she gets some sense. Sure, I feel bad for Britney. She needs help. But does that make it OK to put others’ lives in danger?
American Idol: The final countdown
Melissa Ruggieri
May 14, 2008 12:07 AM
Remember way back in 2006 when Simon Cowell so despised Taylor Hicks, couldn’t think of put-downs for the hyperactive bar singer fast enough, yet had to sit and grimace through his performances week after week as that omnipotent Soul Patrol boosted Hicks to what has now become a hollow victory?
That’s pretty much how I feel about David Archuleta.
Resigned to the reality that no matter how blatantly he jumbles lyrics (or, in the case of last night’s “With You,” mumbles over the melody to disguise his mistakes), how shiny, yet empty his vocal performance, or how ill-equipped he is to handle anything resembling a conversation, the teen with controlling daddy issues will be in next week’s finale and likely win.
Speaking of resignation, David A.’s read of Billy Joel’s “And So it Goes” (interesting choice from Ms. Abdul) sapped the poignant song of its weary acquiescence and instead made it the equivalent of studying a Monet and walking away with a shrug. It’s a deep song about loss and miscommunication, but as presented by David A., it could have been a nonchalant “oh well” about Banana Republic being out of his sweater size.
But, as usual, Randy Jackson lapped up the youngster’s downy delivery, stopping a smidgen short of anointing him the “Idol” prince.
Eh, just as well. As Chris Daughtry has more than proved, not winning “Idol” is usually the best thing that can happen to any contestant not interested in singing double-glazed, tear-jerking pap. So hey, David Cook, we’ll soon see you opening for a major arena rock band … but only if you promise never to sing that Switchfoot song again.
I’d love to see David C. and Syesha Mercado face off if only because they both resemble the complete package far more than the Mouseketeer. As David C. demonstrated last night, he is capable of much more than restructuring pop songs into Nickelback-worthy rockers.
Anyone who can hit all of the twisting key changes in Roberta Flack’s “”The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” and then stay on point while a squealing guitar derails during Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” – as David C. did --deserves more compensation than tepid praise from Randy. (Side note: Coincidence that Simon’s pick for David C. was a song that Leona Lewis, Simon’s protege, also covers on her debut album?)
But clearly, Randy’s thesaurus failed him last night, as he told BOTH David’s that they were capable of singing the phone book. Is that really a compliment?
And just as I was anticipating a night of good notices for three solid Syesha performances (OK, two and a half), Paula – Paula! – bludgeoned the suddenly sassy songstress’ dream right in front of all 21-million-and-rapidly-falling of us.
“I don’t know if it’s going to be good enough to get into the finals,” Paula told Syesha, who continued to beam bravely, likely because she was relieved to finally be freed from the spandex and sequins that nearly swallowed her during a stellar run on Alicia Keys’ “If I Ain’t Got You.”
Well, I know who we can blame when Syesha is sent back to her room tonight – those goofy producers who chose for her third song a bright, syncopated slice of vapidity that no one knows.
Are you really telling me that with all of “Idol”’s juice, Nigel Lythgoe and Co. couldn’t get a Beyonce or Rihanna song cleared, instead saddling Syesha with Gia Farrell’s “Hit Me Up” from the “Happy Feet” soundtrack? It would not be inappropriate to ask at this point, “Who the heck is Gia Farrell” and “Didn’t that penguin movie come out almost two years ago?”
The answers are a) a young singer whom you have no reason to have heard of and b) yes.
But none of that matters, because the “Idol” gods determined weeks ago that this year’s winner would be named David.
What I would like to know, though, is why we were subjected to what felt like dozens of plugs for iTunes, the “Idol” tour and other Fox shows – not to mention an inordinate amount of playful bickering among the judges – yet there was no time to show footage from the final trio’s hometown visits aside from cursory “Oh, look, Simon Cowell has just sent me a text message. Let me see what song he has chosen for me to sing,” contrivance.
Maybe we’ll get a look tonight – as long as the show can fit it in between the Ford commercial and endorsement of Coke products.
Read Less...
Ooh, ooh, this just in!
Cynthia McMullen
May 13, 2008 4:48 PM
Forget what I said in the previous entry, Shayne Lamas’ career is clearly burgeoning.
This just in from Santa Monica, Calif.:
“Newly engaged actress Shayne Lamas, who was selected over 24 other girls for a marriage proposal by Matt Grant in the season finale of ABC TV’s popular ‘The Bachelor’ series, has chosen the Girls Gone Wild Magazine for her national print debut.
“Shayne says she decided to pose for Girls Gone Wild because ‘To me, Girls Gone Wild is about fun and freedom. It’s a way for a girl to express confidence in herself.’ The magazine contains no nudity.”
I’m more nonplussed by that last statement than I am about Shayne’s posing for the mag. How can it be Girls Gone Wild sans naked women? Do they paste those rectangular blocks—the one you see in the TV commercials—over each and every girly part?
Oh, wait, here you go: “Each issue of the magazine comes packaged with an exclusive, uncensored Girls Gone Wild DVD.” So I guess the magazine is just an entree to the vids.
Shayne is even classier than I thought. We can only hope Matt Grant agrees.
Matt, oh, Matt, what were you thinking?
Cynthia McMullen
May 13, 2008 4:28 PM
I watched the finale of “The Bachelor” last night. Yes, I admit it. Mock, if you will.
What can I say, I’m a romantic at heart. As little chance as true love has in this artificial world where bachelor-meets-25-lovely-ladies-whittles-them-down-to-one-and-lives-happily-(ha!)-forever-after, hope springs eternal for me. But c’mon, Matt, what were you thinking?
In this edition of the ABC show, global financier Matt Grant of London, 27, comes to America to find himself a 
bride. After weeks of painful and so-not-dramatic rose ceremonies, he pops the question on bended knee. And wouldn’t ya know it, 22-year-old Shayne Lamas of Malibu, Calif.—whose initial appearance even forces Matt’s big bro, Simon, to comment on her ever-so-bleached-blondness—ends up with the hunka-hunka diamond engagement ring.
Shayne, according to Shayne, is an actress. She is not there, she says, to enhance her career, despite papa Lorenzo Lamas’ comment to the contrary: “I think it was the idea of being on television that was very enticing to her.”
What acting career, you say? Yeah, I was curious, too, never having heard of her. Here’s what I found, courtesy of http://www.imdb.com: Shayne has appeared in two episodes of “Air America,” 18 episodes of “General Hospital” and three films I’m pretty sure you never heard of: “Endless Bummer” (in which she plays the no-doubt pivotal role of Red Bikini Girl), which apparently has been released but who knows where; “The 13th Alley,” somewhere between completion and release; and “Deep in the Valley,” in post-production.
You know the latter is Oscar-bound. It also stars one of the interchangeable Kardashian brood and, just to sweeten the pot, Tracy Morgan.
Matt, Matt, Matt. I’d like to think this is going somewhere – despite the best attempts of reality TV, I’m still that romantic at heart – but c’mon, let’s not kid ourselves. Your chances of marrying Shayne might not be quite as bad as 300-to-1, as one handicapper is predicting. But I’m guessing they’re slim.
So enjoy your little American tartlet while you can – sorry, make that little American “monkey.” (Yes, he DID propose this way: “Monkey, will you marry me?” Which might be the biggest reason of all that the relationship is most likely doomeddoomeddoomed.)
A new season of “The Bachelorette” premieres next week. Having just come off “The Bachelor,” I might have to skip it. Sometimes you just have to say no.
P.S. A reader asks what I mean by “hunka-hunka diamond engagement ring. I responded, but the e-mail was returned as undeliverable. So if you happen ever to see this again, Modna17, I just meant a big ring, a really nice ring. It’s a possibly obscure reference to lyrics from the Elvis song: “hunka hunka burnin’ love.” I think the song is titled “Burning Love.” Or maybe “Burnin’ Love.” Thanks for writing!
Did you read … oh, wait, what was the name of that book?!
Cynthia McMullen
May 12, 2008 5:25 PM
I recently and accidentally read “The Woman Who Can’t Forget,” a memoir by Jill Price (with Bart Davis).
What caught my eye—and piqued my interest—was the supertitle, “The extraordinary story of living with the most remarkable memory known to science.” I had a weird experience late last year where my memory was affected by Topamax, a migraine preventive I was trying.
Apparently Topamax’s biggest potential side effects are hand-and-toe tingling or weight loss.
Just my luck. I didn’t lose weight, I lost short-term memory. At first, I thought it must be my imagination. I’ve always been good at memorizing phone numbers, for example. But over the course of a couple of months ... I was losing them. I also started forgetting names. Not my friends or family or co-workers, but the names of actors or authors or musicians and so forth. Not a good thing when you’re an entertainment writer.
Trying to figure out if I was going senile or nuts, I went back and read Topamax’s side effects. Sure enough, it affects memory in a tiny percentage of cases. Plus—although I know people who had great results with it—it ”
wasn’t making a big difference with my headaches.
I asked my doctor, who immediately took me off it—and again, sure enough, within a month or two, I started retaining phone numbers again. I’d have to look up a number I had forgotten. But once I did, it was back.
Kinda scary.
Anyhow, that’s why this book attracted me. And a couple of days after I finished reading it—last Friday—ABC’s “20/20” did a story on Jill Price. So it was really interesting to see Price talk about her story, even if Diane Sawyer spent way too much time trying to trip her up with memory quizzes.
The thing about Price is that her memory—and it IS extraordinary—is for her own life and things that happened in or during her life (as opposed to facts or figures).
You can ask what day pretty much any big event of the last 30 years happened, and she can tell you not only the date but the day of the week ... as well as what she was doing or thinking or even wearing that day. As she points out, though, it’s as much a curse as a blessing—she has a sort of continuing video running in her head of nearly everything that has happened to her since she hit puberty. The good and the bad along with the ugly.
The book itself tends toward repetition—I would rather have had a shorter book that doesn’t tell the same stories or make the same explanation more than once—but still, it raises fascinating questions. If all goes well, Price and her researchers will make valuable discoveries as to how our memories actually work.
Posted in
It’s been a busy week at Lake Wobegone …
Cynthia McMullen
May 09, 2008 9:16 PM
Oops. Wrong writer, right sentiment.
Speaking of Garrison Keillor (of “Prairie Home Companion” fame, pictured at right), I see he’s coming to University of Richmond for the Modlin Center’s 2008-09 season. Keillor’s been getting a little too political for my taste—I prefer the homespun tales he weaves and his alter ego, Guy Noir—but he still should sell out.
Also heading for UR: my friend Susan’s favorite writer, David Sedaris (aka Amy Sedaris’ big bro). Susan used to read from her latest D. Sedaris book at work and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. She can’t wait for his sixth collection of essays—I know, essays sound boring, but his are not—“When You Are Engulfed in Flames.” It’s due out in June.
I’m looking forward—if I can swing it on a Wednesday night—to 1964 The Tribute at Innsbrook May 28 (oh, yeah, I’m a Beatles fan 
all the way).
Originally it was paired with Smash Mouth, whom I would have loved to see, as well. Historically, I’m too cheap to buy singles, but when “Walkin’ On the Sun” came out—in what? 1998? 1999? (Egad!)—I ran right out and snapped one up for a summer of car-tuning.
I was never sure where the name Smash Mouth came from. Here’s an explanation from the band itself, courtesy of http://www.smashmouth.com: Original Smash Mouth drummer Kevin Coleman borrowed the name from former Chicago Bears’ coach Mike Ditka, who coined the term “Smash Mouth Football” to describe a particularly vicious “no mercy"style of the American game. Coleman originally wanted to name the band “Smash Mouth au GoGo,” but this was quickly vetoed by the rest of the guys, who shortened the name and the rest is history.
I kind of like the sound of Smash Mouth au GoGo!
P.S. I’m an equal employment site-seer: You can find out more about 1964 The Tribute at http://www.1964thetribute.com. I know it’s a cover band—and also covering The. Best. Band. Ever. But seriously, folks, The Tribute does an excellent job. They have a great sound. If you close your eyes (if you’re like me, at least, and never heard the Beatles live), you will be impressed.
American Idol: The dread head speaks
Melissa Ruggieri
May 08, 2008 5:17 PM
That goofy guy with the funny hair who suddenly seemed as if he couldn’t care less about winning “American Idol”?
Yeah, that’s pretty much who Jason Castro is – except that, it turns out, he really did want to win.
Castro chatted with reporters this afternoon and one thing he quickly refuted – punctuating it with that halting giggle familiar to “Idol” viewers – was that he didn’t intentionally flub his lyrics to “Mr. Tambourine Man” Tuesday night simply as a way to guarantee a goodbye trip from the show.
“I definitely did not do that on purpose,” he said. “I couldn’t believe I forgot such a popular line that’s, like, written on your soul. Somehow it slipped my mind, but I definitely didn’t do that on purpose … As of yesterday, I wanted to win. I think what it came down to is my inexperience. Once we doubled up on songs, I just wasn’t really being able to focus on both my songs. My mind was just split and I just couldn’t deliver either/or, and I think that’s what it came down to.”
Unlike many of the top 10, the 21-year-old Castro had little performing experience heading into the show. He started playing guitar his freshman year of college and singing shortly thereafter.
“I would learn songs, but I wouldn’t learn them all the way through,” he said with a drawn-out laugh, adding that prior to his callback audition on “Idol,” he performed about 10 or 12 times around his native Texas, and the longest set he ever played was 30 minutes.
Castro said, somewhat regretfully, that he didn’t think he’d be heading home yet because the “Idol” crew was going to New York next week and then he would return to Los Angeles for the show’s finale.
“I just miss home,” he said. “I love being home in the summer. I kinda miss working the summers with my dad.”
Castro’s father runs a custom-design swimming pool company; the “Idol” castoff said he liked helping out by surveying lots and cleaning pools.
But most amusingly, Castro didn’t deny the perception that many had of him as a spacey dude and believes the show portrayed him accurately.
“I am a goofy person. I am kind of an awkward conversationalist—I’m doing my best right now—but all my friends, they love it because what you see is what you get,” he said. “I didn’t change at all coming out here. That’s me.”
Read Less...
All hail diva day
Melissa Ruggieri
May 08, 2008 11:11 AM
It’s a busy day in diva-dom with both Madonna and Tina Turner unveiling dates for their anticipated fall tours.
One ageless star – Turner – will grace D.C. with a Nov. 23 date penciled in at the Verizon Center. Those tickets, according to Ticketmaster, are on sale to the general public on May 19 and range from $59.50-$153.
The other Dorian Gray – Madonna – is so far only venturing as close as Philly on Nov. 19 and Atlanta Nov. 24. Tickets for those are up for grabs starting June 2 and May 31, respectively, and will cost you between $55 and $350.
Check out their entire itineraries below.
Madonna dates
03-Oct E. Rutherford Izod Arena
06-Oct New York City Madison Square Garden
07-Oct New York City Madison Square Garden
15-Oct Boston TD BankNorth Garden
18-Oct Toronto Air Canada Centre
22-Oct Montreal Bell Centre
26-Oct Chicago United Center
30-Oct Vancouver BC Place Stadium
01-Nov Oakland Oracle Arena
04-Nov San Diego Petco Park
06-Nov Los Angeles Dodger Stadium
08-Nov Las Vegas MGM Grand Garden Arena
11-Nov Denver Pepsi Center
16-Nov Houston Minute Maid Park
19-Nov Philadelphia Wachovia Center
22-Nov Atlantic City Boardwalk Hall
24-Nov Atlanta Philips Arena
26-Nov Miami Dolphin Stadium
Tina Turner dates
10/1 - Kansas City, MO - Sprint Center
10/3 - Chicago, IL - United Center
10/6 - Rosemont, IL - Allstate Arena
10/13 - Los Angeles, CA - Staples Center
10/14 - Anaheim, CA - Honda Center
10/19 - San Jose, CA - HP Pavilion
10/22 - Sacramento, CA - ARCO Arena
10/24 - Phoenix, AZ - Jobing.com Arena
10/30 - Miami, FL - American Airlines Arena
11/2 - Ft Lauderdale, FL - BankAtlantic Center
11/5 - Orlando, FL - Amway Arena
11/9 - Atlanta, GA - Philips Arena
11/13 - Toronto, ON - Air Canada Centre
11/16 - Boston, MA - TD Banknorth Garden
11/23 - Washington, DC - Verizon Center
11/26 - Newark, NJ - Prudential Center
12/3 - Uniondale, NY - Nassau Coliseum
12/8 - Montreal, QC - Bell Centre
Read Less...
American Idol: No redemption song for Jason
Melissa Ruggieri
May 08, 2008 12:09 AM
Has a contestant ever looked as relieved to be sent packing as Jason Castro did last night?
In probably the least dramatic results show ever – despite Ryan Seacrest trying to plant a Chris-Daughtry-voted-off??!! type seed with his constant prattling about all of this expected “drama” – the guy who threw up his hands in resignation weeks ago rightfully got voted off “Idol”’s dysfunctional island.
Even many fans of the spacey dreadlocked dude had enough of his apathy, which culminated in Tuesday’s twisted wreckage of halting Bob Marley and forgotten words to one of Bob Dylan’s easiest lyrics (“Mr. Tambourine Man” ).
After learning of his fate, the perpetually dazed soft rocker/folkie told Ryan that the thought of having to learn, perform and – yikes – remember three songs next week would have sent him into the land of white coats and happy pills, a place currently inhabited by Brooke White.
Even Jason’s reprise of “I Shot the Sheriff” last night reeked of indifference, as he half sung the words while constantly flipping an annoying strand of dreadlock off his shoulder.
Six weeks ago, I never would have predicted that I would say thank God that Syesha is in the top three. Of course, there’s no way the lovely crooner is going to go any further, because the producers have already decided that we WILL have to witness a battle between the non-descript rocker and the even-less-descript Disney hopeful (aka David Cook and David Archuleta).
But she definitely wins the Most Improved prize – a reward that should at least garner her a tertiary role in some Broadway musical.
As for the rest of last night’s show, it was good to see Bo Bice again, but one would think he could afford a hair cut. I dig Bo’s ‘70s rock Allman Brothers vibe, but, well, it’s not the ‘70s and he’s no Gregg Allman.
But the guy deserved a better post-“Idol” career than he’s received, so let’s hope that last night’s appearance will help him sell a few CDs.
Anyway, moving toward the finale, the traditional Visit the Contestants Hometown episode is up next week and the final trio will perform a trio of songs—judges’ choice, producers’ choice and finalist’s choice.
I suppose there’s no way Simon might choose “Hakuna Matata” for Archuleta?
American Idol: Jason derails
Melissa Ruggieri
May 06, 2008 11:54 PM
You’ll never hear me complain about anyone covering a Duran Duran song because of all of my guilty pleasures, they’re the guiltiest. Well, maybe that honor goes to Rick Springfield.
But anyway, I’m still trying to figure out how if last night’s “theme” was songs from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, that “Hungry Like the Wolf” nudged in there since my British boys are most definitely not immortalized in I.M. Pei’s glass pyramid in Cleveland.
Anyone?
Moving on, I liked David Cook’s growling – if overly affected—rendition of the song better than Randy did – and I’m usually hypercritical about performances of songs by my favorite bands. Case in point, I wanted to strangle Blake Lewis last season after he turned Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name” into a wiki-wiki-wiki beat boxing exercise.
But I’ve got to say, David C. made me want to check out the performance downloads on iTunes – and that’s saying something because I spend too many hours of my life trying to avoid iTunes and grousing about it to my friends, who are entirely sick of my complaining.
So even though Ryan pointedly noted at the start of the show that the judges would critique each contestant after EACH song (got that, Paula?), let’s get the two over with at once.
David C. returned with the bold choice of The Who’s “Baba O’Riley,” a song that runs about 87 minutes (Oh, OK, 5:05) and contains significant musical interludes. I worried that this would be a repeat of Michael Johns during one of the Beatles weeks; his performance of the complex “A Day in the Life” was solid, but by dismantling the tune to fit the “Idol’ time constraints, it wound up disjointed and odd.
But the Cook kept it steady and low, breaking out the flashy rock riffs for added effect and guaranteeing himself a spot in the final two.
While I realize there is no way that the Ewok (aka David Archuleta) WON’T be in the final two, since the judges overlook his every flaw and his ingratiating reaction to their heaps of praise obviously send the grandmas to the phones and the tweens to the texts, let’s have a moment of respect for Syesha Mercado.
Hey, I admit, I haven’t been very nice to her all season because, well, until two weeks ago, she was a singing Barbie – all plastic, no soul.
But Syesha not only chose the two most challenging songs of the night – from Tina Turner and Sam Cooke, mind you – but she simply smoked on “Proud Mary.” Yeah, could you consider it a passable Tina Turner impersonation? Sure. But the same could be said of Beyonce’s performance of the song at the Grammys this year.
Of all of the “huh?” things that the judges say, the criticism that continues to baffle me the most is when they carp about a performance being too similar to the original and that these kids “need to make it their own.” And when they do that, most of the time, Randy, Simon or Paula complains that they didn’t like the arrangement.
Make up your mind, guys.
But I now think Syesha is worthy of the Elliott Yamin spot this season (numero tres) , especially after unleashing her emotions in a torrent of tears after Simon complimented her performance (surely he was swayed by her heaving cleavage) and Jason Castro’s complete derailment.
Long before Entertainment Weekly outed the space case as being completely nonchalant about learning his songs for Neil Diamond week and even more apathetic about his spot on the show—“What happens happens. I’ll sing and if people like it, they like it. And if they don’t, they don’t. I’m kind of ready to go home,” he said – it’s been apparent to anyone over the age of 13 and not influenced by Jason’s dreamy eyes that the guy couldn’t care less about being there.
(You can read the entire EW story here: http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20007164_20171835_20197246,00.html).
I only hope that Simon’s suggestion that Jason pack his bags after he got tangled up in Dylan’s “Mr. Tambourine Man” (with none of Brooke White’s addled charm, I might add) didn’t earn him scads of sympathy votes.
Jason’s dreadlocks were a handy accoutrement for a Bob Marley performance (“I Shot the Sheriff” ), but his apathy has never been more apparent than it was last night. Go home, dude, and let someone with more passion for the game get the votes.
So, back to David A. I know I didn’t hear anything “hot” or “mad” about his vocals on “Stand By Me,” as Randy apparently did as he almost fell out of his chair while lauding the Boy Scout. I do give the kid credit for cleverness for slipping in a line from Sean Kingston’s “Beautiful Girls,” which heavily borrows from “Stand By Me” – good way to ensure some votes from current radio listeners.
But what sadist dressed him in that seagull shirt?
And David’s second performance, Elvis’ “Love Me Tender” (you have an entire canon of rock songs to choose from and you pick THIS gloppy ballad?), was completely disconcerting to me when the camera started to move in closer and closer…and closer…and closer, until we could count the eyelashes on his blinky eyes.
As I’ve said all along, the little guy has a smooth voice, an innocuous appeal and still, absolutely nothing about him would spur me to spend a dime on his music.
So, now that we’re down to the final four, who gets the boot before the big Hometown Visit show next week? It so obviously should be Jason, but the same could have been said last week.
Also, you might have heard the rumblings this past week about whether “Idol” is losing some of its luster. Check out my column in Thursday’s Weekend section, where I’ll discuss the situation and you can tell me how you feel about the show.
Read Less...
RSS 2.0