*Sigh.*
So Miley “Hannah Montana” Cyrus is writing her memoirs.
Yes, she’s 15. OK, I kept a diary when I was 15—and I realize I was just a run-of-the-mill teen—but c’mon, even with your own TV show, concert tour and kajillions of preteen fans, how much do you really have to say about your life thus far?
Ask Disney; it’s footing the bill.
Then we have poor, poor Star Jones, who after three years of wedded bliss is divorcing her husband, Al Reynolds.
I used to like Star ... until she used her wedding for personal gain, lied about her weight loss methods and got so full of herself she couldn’t ... well, you be the judge: In a statement to “Entertainment Tonight,” she 
says, “Several years ago I made an error in judgment by inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life.”
Uh, duh, Star? Do ya think that announcing your divorce to TV’s highest-rated entertainment-news show might not qualify for—I dunno—INVITING THE MEDIA INTO THE MOST INTIMATE AREA OF YOUR LIFE? AGAIN?!! Have we learned nothing from the wedding debacle?
The best news of the day, for those who can’t get enough of the Fashion Police, is Yahoo’s new site, http://omg.yahoo.com/what-were-they-thinking/photos/1716.
I’ll drop one of the pics in as a sneak peek. This photo to the left, by Stephen Lovekin and courtesy of Getty Images, shows Crystal Gayle’s scary floor-length locks. Yes, that’s her actual hair wafting past her ankles. Seriously.
Gayle is probably best known for her late ‘70s hit, “Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue.” Her over-the-top do makes my hazel eyes teary.
I’ve been out of town for a week—a family emergency that turned out beautifully (as in, my father is back home and doing well, thank you!)—so of course my e-mail in-box was crammed and spammed to the max. I suppose the most unexpected piece of mail I received was an invitation.
An invitation, you say? How lovely!
Not so, this one.
Do NOT ask how I ended up on this mailing list. I have no clue. But it’s true. I—Miss Sweetness and Light of 2008, right?—have been cordially invited to attend the launch of Girls Gone Wild magazine in West Hollywood, Calif.
It wasn’t enough that jillions of DVDs are already available?
Apparently not. “The Popular Lifestyle Brand Moves into Publishing, bringing its Celebration of Fun, Freedom and Hot College Girls to the Newsstand,” says my invitation. (Capital letters are courtesy of Girls Gone Wild.)
Furthermore, smilin’ Joe Francis, mighty proud founder and CEO of GGW (hang on a sec! Is he out on parole?) will 
be on hand, along with “beautiful girls and more than 100 of Joe’s closest celebrity friends (including the Kardashian clan).”
I still haven’t figured why members of the “Kardashian clan”—Kim, Kourtney and Khloe—are so big in the tabloids. I mean, I know there’s the E! reality show “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”—and I just found out, to my horror, that Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner is their stepdad. But I still can’t figure out what the big deal is.
By the way, Jenner’s offspring with the Kardashian mom, Kris, includes Kylie and Kendall. Too cute, huh? The one brother—not Jenner’s biological child—is named Robert. Lucky for him because he could’ve ended up a Kidron, Krispin, Kalvin or Klark. At least now he has a chance for a normal life. Nah ... scratch that.
But back to the GGW magazine kickoff (ooh, Kickoff Kardashian has a ring to it!). I’m also invited to attend the red-carpet reception, the thought of which immediately brings to mind dozens of college-age women strutting down the carpet for their Joan Rivers interview. “Who are you wearing?” she screams, as big banners (or small, depending ... ) flash across their chests: “REAL! RAW! UNCENSORED!”
Gosh, Joe, thanks, but I’m busy tomorrow night. I’m pretty sure I have to wash my hair. In fact, I might need a hot, hot shower. Suddenly I feel just a tad dirty.
So we keep hearing that our own—we can call him that because he’s from Virginia—anyway, that our own Chris Brown is dating the lovely Rihanna. It’s all over the tabloids (such as In Touch last week) and even the more “serious” entertainment magazines, such as People.
Any truth to it? Only time will tell because Chris’ lips are sealed.
We also heard ... and this was a while back ... that Jessica Rae Springsteen had applied for admission to University of Richmond. No need to say whose kid she is, right?
As one wag (a loyal UR alum) said, “And this means that UR will have to officially join the New Jersey state college system.”
Nothing’s been confirmed, but an anonymous N.J. source implied that if a Springsteen had applied to UR, it would have been Jessica’s one-year-older brother, Evan.
Again, only time will tell. But if The Boss shows up for Parents’ Day, he’d better come in disguise or he’s playing the next dance for sure.
And speaking of gossip ... here are some interesting results from a new AOL Television survey of more than 1.35 million users. Who knew?!
* Ellen DeGeneres, sez the survey, is more popular than Oprah. Ellen wins as overall best talk-show host and the host most people would like to have attend their dinner party.
* Kelly Ripa beat out Tyra Banks and Matt Lauer for sexiest talk show host, snappiest dresser and best hair. Although that’s not completely fair because Tyra often leans on faux locks and Matt doesn’t have any.
* Larry King was voted most unsexy host. What, people don’t love those retro glasses and red suspenders? Or perhaps braces, in his case? Whatever.
* I hate even typing this in ... but Jay Leno edged out David Letterman, 41 percent to 34 percent. Say it ain’t so! Because I love me some Dave.
* On “The View”—as if you could distinguish one from another when they get to jabbering—those surveyed said if the ladies had a smackdown, Whoopi would come out on top, followed by Joy Behar, Barbara Walters, Elizabeth Hasselback and Sherri Sheppard.
* Given the choice, they would elect Diane Sawyer as U.S. president over Oprah, Jon Stewart and Martha Stewart. I dunno, I guess Diane would make a good-looking president, but she dances around the tough questions too much for me ... .
Not quite. But wax facsimiles of the Torrid Twosome are being unveiled in a one-time “Kissing Booth” at the Cherry Blossom Soccer Tournament 8 a.m.-1 p.m. Sunday at JFK Hockey and Soccer Fields (next to the reflecting pools on the National Mall), 17th Street and Constitution Avenue in Washington.
Thanks to Mme. Tussauds London—from which the hothot soccer player and his scary bride’s figures are on loan for eight weeks—the dynamic duo can be seen (after Sunday) at Madame Tussauds Washington, F and 10th streets. That’s in walking distance of the National Mall. For details about the gallery, visit http://www.madametussaudsdc.com.
And tell the Beckhams hello for us.
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