Eminem wins Best Hip Hop Video and he’s there to accept it. He’s the only winner who looks comfortable with the weird acceptance setup that leaves the winners with no place to put the bulky moonman statue. Also, as a friend of mine just commented, he just can’t ever look happy, can he? Apparently misery drives art.

Two of my favorite moments tonight came with a Tracy Morgan bit that was actually amusing—something Morgan usually is not. But the sight of him singing “Time After Time” with Cyndi Lauper? Kinda cute.

And that commercial for sister station VH1’s “Divas” show with Paula Abdul (who is hosting) and Ryan Seacrest (who hosts everything else) was also pretty genius. I still think Debbie Gibson would have made the best replacement for Abdul on “Idol.”

Photo: MTV

At least the mere mention of West’s name is prompting a swell of boos from the crowd, which, when Diddy joked, “What? Did something happen?”, started chanting “Tay-lor! Tay-lor!”

Even if you weren’t a fan of Swift’s before tonight, how could you not be rooting for the humiliated girl now?

Photo: MTV

Speaking of hair…what in the name of lame vampire movies did Kristen Stewart do to her hair?

And massive kudos to Beyonce. Like this woman needs a jerk like Kanye to defend her talent – she does a pretty outstanding job on her own, evidenced by her exhausting performance of “Single Ladies.”

A little bit “Chicago” with a touch of “A Chorus Line” (nice effect with the multiple lines of dancers), the performance showcased everything appealing about Beyonce – the big, belting voice, the sharp, creative dance moves and the showmanship that’s been ingrained in her since childhood.

She, not Lady Gaga, is the definitive pop star of this generation.

Photo: MTV

Best Pop Video goes to Britney Spears for “Womanizer.” Apparently, MTV will spend the rest of its existence trying to make up to Spears for sending her onstage in a sluggish haze two years ago.

Since Spears also beat Beyonce, it’s a good thing she’s on tour overseas, or Kanye might have gone mental again. Careful, Brit – he’s got Lear Jet money and might hunt you down.

Green Day: Best non-dinosaur rock band, hands-down. But what’s up with the blonde streaks in Billie Joe Armstrong’s hair? Dude looks like he has the Princess Leia “Star Wars” Cinnabon ‘do happening.

Photo: MTV

Lady Gaga – what the heck was that hot mess of performance art?

During a dramatic rendition of “Paparazzi,” Lady G staggered around the stage in her underwear, played a white piano with her left leg atop the keyboard (what, is she trying to kill those hermaphrodite rumors?), doused herself in fake blood and ended the song hanging, suicide-style, from a rope, the fake blood smeared all over her…even inside her eye.

Allrighty.

She’s interesting to watch in that train-wreck way, but she’s no Madonna.

Photo: MTV

How quickly things can go from touching to terrible.

A demurely dressed-in-black Madonna surprised everyone by opening the MTV Video Music Awards on a somber note, talking about the comparisons between herself and Michael Jackson.

In a rather touching five-minute speech – did she write that stuff herself, because it was actually quite good? – the Queen of Pop noted Jackson’s uniqueness and originality. (Side note: Was Pink just looking down during Madonna’s tribute or, um, texting? Oh, and Pink, you and Shakira need to talk to your stylists, since you both showed up in the same dress).

“Sometimes we have to lose things before we can appreciate them,” Madonna said in closing.

Then a cadre of tight dancers bounced onstage to mimic Michael’s dance moves while videos for “Thriller,” “Bad” and “Smooth Criminal” played behind them.

But as soon as the screen changed to the metallic imagery of the “Scream” video, you knew Janet Jackson would be arriving for her much-touted tribute to her brother.

Yeah, it was cool to watch her dance alongside her brother’s image on the screen behind her and so what if she was lip-synching – when does she not? – but more importantly, people…how is this woman able to gain and lose 60 pounds in two months and I can’t even lose five pounds going to the gym four days a week?

Really. It’s quite impressive.
Anyway…let’s forget about the amusing Russell Brand and Lady “Understudy In Phantom of the Opera” Gaga for a minute to discuss Kanye West.

Sweet Taylor Swift bests an impressive group of nominees – including Lady G., Pink and Beyonce – to win Best Female Video, the waif is trembling her way through a genuine speech about always dreaming of winning a VMA…and then comes Kanye, storming the stage to pronounce that, basically, Beyonce should have won.

Swift is dumbfounded, Beyonce is mortified and the rest of us received more confirmation of an indisputable fact.

West is a moron.

Photo: MTV

Chris Brown released a new song via Twitter today called … “Twitter Ruff.”

It’s heavier than usual on rap – maybe Brown is trying to change his musical image along with his personal one? – and seems a bit lengthy for easily-distracted fans. But what do you think?

I’ll still miss Paula Abdul and I still think the middle finger “American Idol” producers gave her was unfair, but…pretty genius move tapping Ellen DeGeneres to replace her on the judges’ dais.

DeGeneres has been an unabashed fan of the show for years, and almost always provided the latest also-ran the opportunity to visit her daytime talk show (and surely this new deal will give her first crack at the castoffs before Oprah or Leno snags them).

She’s also quick, amusing, follows pop culture, loves music and, most important to the chemistry of the foursome, will perfectly fill Abdul’s slot as the Judge Least Likely To Offend. Now if only she’ll let Simon Cowell draw a mustache on her or start reciting loopy poetry about moths – that would be awesome.

I’m a little surprised that Cowell – and his ego – allowed for such a big name to possibly overshadow his, but the addition of DeGeneres is more likely to bring viewers to “Idol” than alienate them.

Most interesting to me will be the dynamic between her and Kara DioGuardi. You could tell throughout last season that even when DioGuardi wanted to pounce on Abdul for offering commentary completely devoid of criticism, she pulled back – maybe out of respect for their “friendship” or maybe because, mock if you will, Abdul DID have a pretty healthy pop career for a few years and has a slight clue about performing.

DeGeneres is a magnificent stand-up and one of the breeziest talk show hosts to ever hold the job – at least in daytime – but being a fan of music and breaking into dance whenever someone taps their foot in her studio doesn’t equate to industry credibility, which, love her or hate her, DioGuardi possesses.

DeGeneres didn’t need this gig – her show wins Emmys and maintains a devoted fan base and one would assume she’s got serious star money – but she’ll certainly bring a new enthusiasm to “Idol.”

Right now, things look rosy (and speaking of, who else thinks that Rosie O’Donnell was on the short list of Abdul replacements?), but in the fickle world of TV, who knows?

Do you think “Idol” folks made the right choice with DeGeneres? Are you more or less likely to watch now that she’s joined the cast?

In case any of you are up at 8 a.m. on Thursdays and want to hear me yammer for a few minutes, tune in to Mix 103.7-FM, where I hang every week with my morning show pals, Jack and Jen.

In the nearly-a-year that I’ve been on the show, I’ve learned that Jen and I have share a deep love of animals, so I’m all about this cool contest she’s doing with the Richmond Animal League. Check out the details here.

I admit that I’ve turned into a gushing 16-year-old fan with this current wave of Beatlemania—yep, that was me up until almost 4 this morning playing “The Beatles: Rock Band”—even though the band had peaked, crashed and broken up before I was even born.

But I can’t help it.

The box set comes out Wednesday (and I’m eternally grateful to EMI Records for giving me an early Christmas by sending me copies this week—not to mention making me the most popular girl in the newsroom among men over 35) as does the aforementioned “Rock Band” video game.

As of two days ago, VH1 Classic started paying homage to the Greatest Band Ever and will continue with nightly specials until 9/9/09 (at 9 p.m., of course!). Check out a schedule here.

But now that I’ve saturated my life with Beatles music and the video game, next on my can’t-wait-for-the-mail list is this week’s Entertainment Weekly. Is this not an amazing photo - even though it does beg the question, uh, what about the other two guys? (And let me tell you, as someone who has played the drums for 22 years, Ringo’s oft-maligned playing isn’t as simple as it initially sounds).

Anyway, here’s to a new generation discovering The Beatles. Remember, kids, “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.“

Photo: Apple Corps Ltd.