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Who Is at Fault?
Bobby Thalhimer

August 04, 2009 1:11 PM

When I first learned how to drive, my older brother, Billy, told me to look out for the other guy. “If you get killed in an accident, it won’t matter who was at fault.”

In recent years I have repeated this advice in a different context – finance – telling my children to invest cautiously. “During your life you will go through about a dozen recessions. Some will be particularly severe, and it is no consolation to blame bad luck for your demise. It is not acceptable to fail any of them.”

The “no fault” principle applies to caring for our older family members, as well. In cases where we are their caretakers, they will pay the price if we don’t pay attention.

Older people are often suckers for direct mail appeals from inefficient, ineffective nonprofits with a slick marketing pitch. They see the cute photos of Native American children who need help, for instance, and they stroke a check. Then, the charity starts mailing them frequently, and Mom/Dad/Grandma/Grandpa keeps sending another check, forgetting when they last did it and paying no attention to the basic question of whether the unscrupulous charity is actually helping these children. All the while, his or her assets are being siphoned away.

I chose the Native American example for a reason. An elderly donor of The Community Foundation some years ago passed away and left us with a charitable fund. In addition to an allocation to meet general community needs, there was a list of specific charities to support annually. One of those charities was a Native American youth service organization in the Western United States.

So, we checked them out. The photos on their website were breathtaking, but a look at their books portrayed a pure sham. Virtually all their annual budget went to fundraising. They were paying enormous salaries to staff and large stipends to former employees. Very little cash went to help children in need.

What a shame…and a sham! We put a stop to it by using The Community Foundation’s variance power, and we shifted the annual support to a reputable Virginia-based nonprofit, which aids Native American children. Unfortunately, there are many stories like this one.

For how many years had this donor been taken? How much money was siphoned away to a poorly performing nonprofit? How many times is this story being repeated?

Who is at fault if our parents or grandparents fritter away their money?

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Bobby raises an interesting point.  As parents age, they may need not only physical shelter, but mental or emotional shelter as well.  Our abilities to analyze and cope with life diminishes, and we need (or will need) assistance. This can be achieved best by a well thought out plan with caregivers and family who are willing to assist.  For family it should be free services; for professionals, it should be at reasonable rates published in advance. The threat of those who prey on the elderly, be it unscrupulous siding salesmen or ineffective charities are equally bad.  Professionals and family should stay equally vigilant.  The bad guys know that the elderly are emotionally and mentally less alert and vulnerable. In my extended family, it was the Ronco TV salesman!

eppa Hunton
Aug. 4, 2009 at 05:07 PM

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