Hugs and Love
Bobby Thalhimer
Apr 30, 2009
It was a mild, breezy morning at the cemetery. The family and Mom’s few remaining closest friends gathered in remembrance and in anticipation of what the grandchildren would have to say. This was their day to talk and ours to listen.
After reading some of their Gram’s favorite poems, they each read a final email to her. You see, my mom began emailing practically when AOL was created. Email was her daily connection to all the family. Electronically she followed our lives and spread her optimism and her values, and yesterday we appreciated just how strongly she had influenced this younger generation. Mom always signed her grandchildren’s emails, “Hugs and love, Gram.”
Let me digress. The morning after my mom passed away, I invited all the family to our house to remember her in the manner she would have wanted. She loved bringing the family together. Bringing us together was her role, and continuing that tradition is a challenge she set forth for my siblings and me in no uncertain terms.
There were no speeches, just 100% of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren clicking glasses and saying “Happy Days,” playing and having fun. At the end of this exhilarating evening, made poignant by the sadness we all felt, we asked the grandchildren if they would take charge of doing their grandmother’s eulogy. We thought this would be a good way for the cousins to share together their memories and to inspire the rest of us, as these grandchildren are all adults now.
So, the next night the seven grandchildren got together to write their eulogy at my nephew’s house. And, following our good example the night before they partied and laughed, shared their stories and decided little more than their motif for the eulogy, which was to each write a final email to Gram. Sometime between late that evening and the following morning, each put their pen to paper.
The outcome was emotionally breathtaking. Each of the grandchildren – so different in their own goals and life choices – all expressed that same positive, can do spirit. My niece said that Gram came to visit her at the restaurant where she worked and asked how she was doing. She said she was having a bad day, and her Gram said, “Well, don’t! You have a choice.”
Another niece repeated Gram’s words, “You can never love your children too much.” Everyone recalled fun times with her, and some recalled times when she helped them through a rough patch. She was a friend, not just a grandmother.
Looking forward, not back. Bringing everyone together. Choosing to find the positive in every situation. Loving unconditionally. Always finding something to do for someone else. We witnessed the passing of values from one generation to the next and the next. That legacy is now each of ours to pass to future generations.
So, you see, we haven’t really lost our mom and our children’s Gram. We just have to get busy and move forward. There are lots of hugs and love we have to pass along.
I was really touched by your story. It made me remember my mom and how rarely I show my appreciation for her.
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Nov. 4, 2009 at 12:57 PM
This is a really touching story. I’m so sorry for your loss, but you know what they say, death is not the end, it’s the beginning of a new adventure.
Zoetry Paraiso de la Bonita
Nov. 3, 2009 at 05:10 PM
Bobby, Heard you read this at Wednesday’s VAFRE meeting—thank you for sharing and for providing such heart-felt inspiration. I enjoyed your practical advice on blogging as well and look forward to following your future posts. Best regards, Eleanor Angle
Jun. 4, 2009 at 12:50 PM
Steve and I were blessed to know and love Barbara Thalhimer. We met her at Bobby’s 21st bithday, so it was just a few years ago,but who is counting!! She amazed us with her positive spirit, zest for life and interest in our personal lives, our childrens lives and in our own goals and dreams. She and her husband Billy had an amazing sense of making us feel like family.Mrs. T ( as I always called her as I couldnt bring myself to call her Barbara),was truly inspirational. Thank you, Bobby, for this beautiful tribute to her. We share in the joy of knowing such a beautiful and loving lady. Claudia and Steve
May. 17, 2009 at 06:56 PM
Dear Bobby,
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful and personal story. Your mother was truly an inspiration.
Very Sincerely,
Angela
May. 4, 2009 at 09:08 AM
No REGRETS she would tell me. I have lived a good long life and have no regrets. She inspires us all to live this same way. Always paying it forward by thinking about and doing for others! It was a gift to have been one of her nurses. Forever Touched!
May. 1, 2009 at 07:31 AM
This was simply beautiful. i am terribly sad that i did not know this positive and savvy woman. I too challenge you to keep her legacy alive…it is an important one that she has left you with, and far too often these days, families don’t pay heed to what means most….family and values. Bless you all in your “forward journey” in her honor.
Apr. 30, 2009 at 10:28 PM
Thank you, Bobby, for a beautiful rememberance of your Mother. The Thalhimer Family legacy for JFS will continue to live on for years to come as it has in the past.
Elizabeth T. Smartt will become president of JFS in four years, following her Grandmother Barbara who was President of JFS from 1948-1949 and her Great Grandmother Amelia who was president of JFS in 1885.
All the staff of JFS wish the family well at this difficult time. Shalom, Larry Jackson, CEO
Apr. 30, 2009 at 11:02 AM
What a lovely story that inspires me! Your mother’s hugs and love have left a wonderful imprint on our community and I can see that her legacy is living on through the entire Thalhimer family. Thanks for sharing Bobby!
Hugs and love to you all,
Julia Carr
Apr. 30, 2009 at 08:18 AM
Communities are best evaluated by the character of her citizens: elected, appointed or professional public officials; business professionals; nonprofit or philanthropic volunteers or staff: faith community leaders; educators, health care providers, public saftey workers and first responders; journalists; homemakers; families; ...
Citizenship is indeed a very high calling.
When a leading citizen leaves, whether by death or by relocation, a void can take place in the community and most especially in the heart of a family.
This week, Greater Richmond lost one of its Matriarchs - Barbara Jacobs Thalhimer. Collectively we mourn her death and our thoughts and prayers go out to her family.
Mrs. Thalhimer leaves a legacy that lives through her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and the countless others she touched. “Bobby’s Blog” for today is a testament to her legacy and gives us all hope and an appreication for the reality that good citizenship is enduring.
Greater Richmond is blessed to have such wonderful citizens. This is truly a testament to the character of our community.
Jeff Cribbs
Apr. 30, 2009 at 08:10 AM
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